I’m supposed to be writing a personal statement to go along with a graduate school application right now. (Actually I was supposed to write it a few days ago.) Instead I’m feeling sorry for myself, thankful for the melancholy music playing in this coffee spot. (And really thankful this place doesn’t play overly chipper holiday music.)
Today I got dumped by an old friend. I’ve known him since I was in the 7th grade. We haven’t known each other consistently over the years… off and on through high school & early college, then reconnected on FB a few years back.
Our reunion coincidentally occurred the same night my first dog died. We were catching up over a glass of wine and I got the call from the vet telling me about the sudden complications with my dog’s lymphoma and seeking my approval to euthanize her. I rarely cry in public or in front of other people, but there was no holding it back at that moment. He was an angel. I insisted that I should leave, but he insisted with more force that I stay and have another glass of wine. He played me some Indigo Girls and was there for me while I tried to deal with the anguish. Between the bonding nature of that evening and some shared experiences & history our refound friendship had a very solid restart.
We made a half-hearted attempt at a romantic relationship, but it crashed very quickly. He was fresh off of a relationship, and per usual I wasn’t in the right head space either. We didn’t keep in constant touch, but we actually adhered to the cliché and stayed friends.
I saw him a few weeks ago. I was house sitting in his neighborhood, and joined him & his buddy for a couple of glasses of wine. We had a nice visit. We reminisced a bit, laughed a bunch, listened to some music and had a platonic hug goodbye. At some point during the evening I told him that he needed to invite me to the next shindig him and his serious, long-term girlfriend threw so that I could meet her.
I made some sort of dorky, innocuous comment on an FB post he made a couple of days ago. A couple of hours later I noticed that he had removed me from his Friends list. I wrote him FB email asking if he had meant to remove me. No response.
Today I sent him a text: “Did I piss you off somehow?” 20 minutes later: “No. Given our past, I thought it would be simpler for my relationship to make a little distance. You did nothing wrong. Please no hard feelings.”
People think that single people are lonely because they don’t have a girl/boyfriend. That’s not the actual source of the loneliness. It’s the exclusions. It’s when your friends get girl/boyfriends and suddenly only organize couple events. It’s when your friends breed and now only organize kid events and assume you aren’t interested. It’s when your friends can never meet up because they only leave the house when their significant other is coming too. It’s when your opposite-sex friends can’t be your friend anymore because they’re worried about how their ball-n-chain is going to feel about it.
I don’t love being an odd wheel at a party, but I’ll do it in order to see friends. I love kids and when I push & invite myself to the birthday parties I truly enjoy myself. I don’t understand when someone in a relationship loses every ounce of independence in their life, including taking an occasional evening to connect with an old friend. And guess what: if you let me and your woman meet, she’d not only honestly get that I’m “just” a friend but she might actually want to be friends with me too.
